


the problem with how time works

by MurderMittens



Category: Naruto
Genre: Age Difference, Age Swap, All the KakaSaku Tropes You Can Think Of, BAMF Haruno Sakura, BAMF Women, BAMF Yamanaka Ino, Distractingly Hot Yamanaka Ino, F/M, Gen, Haruno Sakura & Yamanaka Ino Friendship, Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi - Freeform, Hatake Kakashi is a Troll, Humor, Inner Sakura is a Whole Ass Mess, Ino Doesn't Take Shit From Nobody, Kakashi and Genma Discuss Dubious Consent, Light Satire, Minor Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino, Multi, Oh No He's Hot, Outrageously Beautiful Haruno Sakura, Predator/Prey, The Lady Doth Protest Too Much, Unreliable Narrator, Women Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-20 20:26:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30010458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MurderMittens/pseuds/MurderMittens
Summary: "I don't remember you being this uncomfortable when Kakashi was nine and had a crush on you," Ino pointed out neutrally. "You thought it was flattering before."She moved to pour more wine into their glasses as Sakura exhaled sharply out of her nostrils."Obviously! It was fucking cute when he was a kid! But now he's..." she trailed off, gesticulating feebly.Ino, taking pity on her, finished the sentence: "Now he's a stone cold hottie who looks and sounds like he'd murder the ever-loving shit out of your vagina."
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Yamanaka Ino, Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi
Comments: 112
Kudos: 234





	1. In Which Sakura Does Not See a Tree, Despite Being A Well-Known Tree Puncher and Enthusiastic Tree Climber

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Kamen](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23166868) by [AmayaNoAkatsuki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmayaNoAkatsuki/pseuds/AmayaNoAkatsuki). 
  * Inspired by [sunshine, plenty of space and time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29121099) by [SafelyCapricious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SafelyCapricious/pseuds/SafelyCapricious). 
  * Inspired by [Daughter of Fire](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17306768) by [justjstuff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justjstuff/pseuds/justjstuff). 



> I know age-swap/generation-swap fics are terribly out of vogue, but I had to put my stank all over this one.
> 
> I took manyyyy creative liberties in deciding everyone's ages here, as well as who got aged up/down/inside out. Please don't think too hard about it and just roll with it!
> 
> This work was heavily inspired by 90% of the fics tagged BAMF Haruno Sakura. I've listed the first two I can think of off the top of my head, but I will slowly add more.
> 
> And uhhhh I know this doesn't absolve me of anything, but as a heads up: everything I know about Naruto is from reading fanfiction AND THIS IS ALSO UNBETA'D SOOOO if something doesn't make sense or pan out, to the point that it becomes a distraction to the story, LET A GIRL KNOW IN THE COMMENTS.

Sakura blew a strand of hair out of her face, all the while glaring at the innocuous-looking book inches from her fingertips. She glanced surreptitiously around to her left and then her right, seriously considering using the Mokuton to retrieve the book, but the library had a strict no-jutsu policy, and if there was anything she hated, it was breaking onsite library rules —

"Need help?"

"Yes please. If you could just grab the Murakami text for me?"

Warmth enveloped her entire back as someone much taller than her plucked the book off the shelf and slid it into her arms. Sakura turned around to thank her helper, and only years of control over every single cell in her body stopped a blush from rising to her cheeks.

"Kakashi-kun!" she exclaimed, only slightly breathless. "Is that really you?"

The boy in question chuckled bashfully, scratching the back of his head.

"Yo, Sakura-sensei. Welcome home."

With a delighted squeal, Sakura embraced him and ignored Inner's casual observation that she now had to tiptoe to throw her arms around his neck. _Not really a boy anymore, is he?_ Inner mused. A harried-sounding _sssshhhh!_ from the chunin manning the checkout desk did little to quell Sakura's enthusiasm as she poked and prodded at Kakashi's hair, jawline, then shoulders.

"Maa, who told you to go and grow up, Kakashi-kun? I was hoping you'd stay adorable and pint-sized forever."

And she tried to bump the side of her hip against his, the way she used to do when his forehead barely reached her shoulders, except it wasn't quite the same because she couldn't even reach his hip with hers anymore, and Kakashi neither swayed nor budged, not even to entertain her for old time's sake. Instead, he bent down a little so that their faces were level and murmured, "You know that's not how time works, Sakura-sensei."

 _No,_ she thought dazedly, _and I'm not sure how to feel about that._

Meanwhile, Inner raged: _What even is that sound coming from his mouth?_ _Why does our little Kakashi-kun_ _sound like that?_

 _Like what?_ something else, something traitorous inside of Sakura asked snidely.

Neither Sakura nor Inner graced that particular question with an answer.

As though sensing her scrambled thoughts, Kakashi gave her one of his sweet little eye-smiles, the ones that he used to give her whenever he wanted to goad her into squeezing his cheeks. Except his cheeks had lost their childish roundedness, and while the effect was certainly less cute, it made him look —

 _Don't finish that thought,_ Sakura snarled at herself. She cleared her throat and reached a hand out to squeeze his right cheek anyway.

"Of course, Kakashi-kun," she sighed. "Anyway, what are you doing in the library on a Friday night? Shouldn't you be at the Rusty Kunai with everyone else?"

Kakashi tilted his head.

"What are _you_ doing in the library on your first night back home in eight years?"

The cheeky brat. Sakura bit her bottom lip in a poor attempt to suppress her smile.

"What, you've been counting or something?" she laughed.

"Yes."

At his serious reply, Sakura sobered up.

"I didn't know I'd be away for so long. I'm sorry."

She grimaced, her arms tightening around the book.

"Naruto-sensei said three years."

Was he pouting behind his mask? Sakura grinned and ruffled his hair.

"Shit happens. But at least I'm back. And for your information, this —" she waved the book he had so kindly fetched for her, "is for some time-sensitive research. What's your excuse?"

Kakashi glanced at the dusty textbook in her hands as he answered, "I had to pay off some late fees."

She raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't know late fees weighed on your conscience like that, Kakashi-kun."

"They don't. I just figured I'd pay the late fees on my way to see you," Kakashi's right eye glittered mischievously as he added, his voice rumbling once more, "Sakura-sensei."

Sakura clicked her tongue in a show of mock exasperation before stepping around him and briskly making her way to the checkout desk. All the while, she chanted, to herself, various iterations of, _He's testing out his newfound adulthood, messing around, kind of like how Ino-pig messed with Ibiki-sensei when her boobs grew in —_

And as Kakashi gallantly carried the singular tome the entire time he accompanied her back to her apartment, Sakura had to do her damnedest to stop her pulse from spiking, especially when he leaned in and spoke quietly, to avoid disturbing the neighbors: "If you're free, let's catch up over lunch tomorrow. Goodnight, Sakura-sensei."

With a sweet upward curve of his right eye, Kakashi promptly disappeared in a puff of smoke.

 _At least one thing hasn't changed — he's still trouble,_ Inner observed, not quite sure what else to say.

Numbly, Sakura agreed.

* * *

As it turned out, Kakashi could not catch up with her over lunch the next day. He had been sent out on a mission to Iwa that morning, but had enough time to slip a note under her door, informing her that he would be back in two weeks. Sakura smiled at his note, penned by a surprisingly disciplined hand, before heading over to the T&I building. The second she stepped foot inside, Sakura was enveloped by a pair of arms and sweet-smelling blonde hair.

Ino cried happy tears when she saw Sakura, planting a glossy red kiss over Sakura’s seal and cooing over the pretty headband braid that proudly displayed Sakura's forehead and the pink hair that cascaded down the length of her back in soft waves. Ino's sharp eyes swept over Sakura's form, and playfully, Sakura twirled, placing her hands on her waist to draw attention to her shapely hips. Ino whistled.

”I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t seen you for years, Forehead, but you sure are a sight for sore eyes! You didn’t come back just to fight me for the title of Konoha’s Most Beautiful and Accomplished Kunoichi, did you?”

Tongue tracing the corner of her slightly parted lips, Ino shot an outrageous smile in Sakura's direction. Nearby, a chunin carrying a stack of files tripped over his feet. Sakura, immune to Ino's charms by now, only snorted and flicked Ino's cheek with a delicate finger.

"I don’t think I’d be able to put up much of a fight even if I wanted to, Pig," Sakura said, a wave of affection washing over her as she wiped Ino’s lipstick off her forehead. “You look fucking amazing.”

Ino preened, running a manicured hand through her luxurious ponytail. 

"It’s this new face cream I’m using. It smells like ass when I put it on, but it’s totally worth it if it means I get glowy skin the next day." A mischievous pause. “Wanna head over to my apartment later and smell it?”

“I'm good, thanks,” Sakura deadpanned.

Ino pouted exaggeratedly, gesturing for Sakura to follow her. People parted as the two esteemed kunoichi walked through the village and the entire time, Ino boisterously pointed out the subtle changes that had been implemented under Naruto's watchful eye. Sakura cackled at the expansion of Ichiraku's humble booth as Ino steered her into an unassuming-looking restaurant, flashed a charming smile at a server, and held up two fingers. Soon, they were tucking into hot, crispy pieces of shrimp and vegetable tempura.

“Wow, this is good,” Sakura moaned through her mouthful of food.

Ino hummed in agreement.

”My apprentice taught me a thing or two about where to find good tempura.”

Sakura’s eyes widened.

”Apprentice?!”

To which Ino gleefully shared the hilarity of what it meant to be Mitarashi Anko’s shishou for the past three years, and how the young girl was a rising star in T&I. As Ino regaled Sakura with a particularly riveting tale of Anko's mean streak in action, Sakura gazed wistfully at her oldest friend, only now understanding how long she’d been gone. Ino seemed to feel the same way, her blue eyes suspiciously misty during Sakura's recollection of her eight long years away from home. Among other things, Sakura spoke of wispy ribbons of green light that shone against Shimugakure's indigo sky, the adorable cherub-cheeked triplets from a no-name village to the south of Yugakure who took to basic medical ninjutsu like ducks to water, and a particularly attractive Mist shinobi who was all too eager to sate her _strictly scientifically-rooted_ curiosity about shark nin physiology.

“So what's gonna be your new pet project, now that you’re back? Is Naruto gonna saddle you with a genin team?”

Sakura scrunched her nose in distaste.

”I hope not.”

"Why not? You did pretty well with Uchiha, Nohara, and Hatake."

”I only had them for six months, Ino. I’m not sure we can use them as a reliable example.”

"Sure, but look at how much you taught them within that time. You practically set up Naruto for success with those three."

Sakura shrugged, chewing slowly on a particularly juicy piece of shrimp. The disastrous incident at Kannabi Bridge settled over their heads heavily, and despite herself, Sakura shuddered as she thought of Rin's miraculous execution of the eye transplant surgery, and how Obito survived only because between Rin and Kakashi, they had just enough chakra and medical training to perform some rudimentary healing until Sakura and Naruto reached them.

"Anyway, have you heard what they're calling Hatake now? _Copy Ninja Kakashi_."

It was only years of friendship with Ino that allowed Sakura to sense a trap. And it was only years of friendship with Ino that allowed Sakura to dispatch said trap by laughing easily and saying, "Seriously? It only seems like yesterday when he could barely manage water-walking. Now he's all —"

Ino tilted her head, curiously. Sakura shut her mouth.

"Now he's all what? Have you seen him recently?"

 _You just had to keep talking,_ Inner grumbled.

 _We can still salvage this,_ Sakura convinced herself with ease. _As long as we don't lie to Ino._

 _As long as we don't lie to Ino,_ Inner said, faintly. _Right._

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention," Sakura said, casually. "I bumped into Kakashi-kun last night at the library. He's uh — he's all grown up now."

Ino's eyes glittered conspiratorially. 

"If by _all grown up,_ you mean _a total heartbreaker_? I know! I can't even imagine how that jawline looks underneath the mask."

Ino's ponytail swayed as she shook her head ruefully. Sakura smiled and pumped out the tiniest bit of chakra to regulate her pulse, but she did not miss the way her friend's gaze locked in on her expanding pupils.

Immediately, Inner panicked: _Why are we talking about this?!_

And Sakura deftly answered: _Because it's incredibly hilarious how our grumpy little Kakashi-kun grew up, and it's not a big deal to point that out. Besides, she's the one who talked about him being handsome._

 _That's all you've got to say about this — this situation? _Inner shrieked before grumbling a thing or two about how she wasn't quite sure what was _incredibly hilarious_ about Kakashi growing up in the first place. Sakura forced herself to come back to Ino, who had apparently asked her a question. Sakura blinked.

"What?"

Ino pouted.

"Way to be spacey, Forehead. I asked if he's still got a crush on you."

Sakura laughed, but she feared it might have been a little too loud for it to come off as genuine.

"I don't think so. Besides, wasn't his crush just during the first month when I filled in as their jounin-sensei?"

She remembered, with great fondness, how Kakashi had been reduced to a blushing, stuttering wreck when she cracked the ground in two with a fist and wrenched him out of his hiding place to formally introduce herself to Team Naruto. Despite Naruto's promises that he'd hand them over to someone who was "more than capable of wrangling Rin and you two dingdongs into shape," Kakashi hadn't been too interested in meeting their replacement sensei, but he quickly took a liking to her and her teaching style, which alternated wildly between gentle nurturing guidance and whip-cracking. Other than the occasional, awkward squeak of, "Yes, Sakura-sensei!" poor Kakashi could barely bring himself to speak in complete sentences to her and had been horrendously distracted during their first month of working together.

"Oh please, Forehead." Ino rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty sure he just got better at hiding it."

"Maybe, but who cares? It was just a silly little crush."

Ino continued to observe Sakura with her pretty blue eyes. Sakura primly bit down on her last piece of tempura, unbothered.

"A little bird told me that if Hatake hadn't been dispatched on a mission this morning, you'd probably be getting lunch with him instead of me."

Sakura raised an eyebrow, outwardly composed. Meanwhile, Inner howled: _DISTRACT HER!_

"How did you — you know what, I don't even wanna know. Is this the cute little trick you used to convince Ibiki-san to give you his seat as Director?"

"Maybe. But more importantly, you're not denying my intel," Ino said with a smirk.

"Your intel — no matter how sketchily acquired — is correct; what's there to deny?" Sakura asked wryly. "Anyway, I don't think there's much to read into someone wanting to grab lunch with a friend they haven't seen for years. Unless," Sakura waggled her eyebrows, "there's _something_ that _you're_ trying to confess to me, Ino-chan?"

Ino grinned mischievously, nibbling at the tip of her chopsticks.

"You got me there, Forehead. I only tried to lure you back to my apartment with the prospect of smelling my foul face cream so I could strap you down to my bed and go to town on that cute little pussy."

The cacophonous clash of dishes breaking on the floor had both women whipping their heads towards the server, who had been within earshot of their table and was now turning a concerning shade of magenta.

Straight-faced, Ino very kindly waited for him to finish cleaning up the mess before asking for the check. 

* * *

"Kakashi-kun! It looks like it's my turn to welcome you back home," Sakura said pleasantly as she entered the room.

Sheepish smile in place, Kakashi wiggled his fingers at her from his seat on the examination table.

"Yo, Sakura-sensei."

She smirked.

"You don't look too scratched up from your mission, so I must admit that I'm a little surprised to see you here, especially for a..." she checked the paperwork and raised her eyebrows, "general checkup."

Kakashi squirmed, a gentle blush peeking above the fabric of his mask.

"Tsunade-hime's been asking Naruto-sensei to take me off the mission roster if I don't start taking better care of myself."

Sakura laughed softly as she warmed the stethoscope in her hands.

"Well, I'm glad you're finally taking your health more seriously, Kakashi-kun."

He shrugged good-naturedly.

"I figured twenty's a good age to start being more responsible in general, and that means being more diligent with my checkups. Right, Sakura-sensei?"

And with that, he whipped off his jounin vest and long-sleeved shirt, revealing a pair of arms that were _perfectly average for a shinobi and definitely nothing to panic about, Inner, so please stop being so dramatic_. As Kakashi reached down to divest himself of the tight sleeveless undershirt with its attached mask, Sakura calmly glided to the other side of the room to fetch a surgical mask for him. She kept her eyes down respectfully as she walked back towards him, holding the mask out for him to take.

"Oh." He sounded surprised. "Thanks, Sakura-sensei."

At the snap of elastic, Sakura finally looked up, keeping her gaze above his collarbone. She also told herself that this was perfectly normal behavior on her part, and not a conscious decision that she had to make.

Inner snorted.

"I'll make this quick," she promised. "I know hospitals make you uncomfortable."

"It's okay," Kakashi said. "I brought some reading material to distract me."

Sakura made a face at the bright orange book in his hands but made no comment otherwise. Placing the stethoscope on his chest, she murmured calmly, "Take a deep breath every time the stethoscope touches your torso, Kakashi-kun."

The checkup went rather smoothly, all things considered. Sakura couldn't quite remember pressing down on his abdomen and checking his liver, but according to her checklist, she'd done it and everything was looking quite normal. As she observed his resting heart rate with a chakra-laden hand to his bare chest, Sakura's eyebrows jumped up.

"I was ready to tell you to put the book down so we could get a more accurate reading, but it looks like you're impervious to Icha Icha's charms."

Kakashi chuckled, adjusting the left strap on his surgical mask once more. It had clearly been bothering him ever since he put it on, but he hadn't complained, much to Sakura's surprise.

"I can do that if it makes you feel better, Sakura-sensei."

She felt him shift to set the book down, and although she kept her eyes closed, she could feel the weight of his gaze on her face.

 _Ummm, his heart rate is increasing —_ Inner pointed out before Sakura withdrew her hand.

"Well, I'm afraid you'll definitely have to for the next portion of the exam," Sakura said, not sounding apologetic in the least. "I'll have to examine your tonsils, so that means the mask needs to come down too."

"It's okay, Sakura-sensei. I trust you."

Sakura hummed in response, gesturing for Kakashi to sit back up and checking her clipboard to buy him some time. He cleared his throat, as though to signal that he was ready, and without taking her eyes off the clipboard, Sakura felt for the tiny flashlight in her pocket.

"Say 'ah.'"

Kakashi obliged, and Sakura moved swiftly to shine the flashlight into his open mouth, eyes focused solely on his tonsils. And yet she could not help but notice how the soft pink flesh of his lips framed his teeth, even and white, and how his canines were a little longer, a little sharper than average. She pocketed her flashlight then turned around, humming as she checked the final box on the slip of paper.

"All done, Kakashi-kun. You can put your things back on now. I just need to check on one more thing, then I can send you off."

There was a gentle rustling as he slipped back into his clothes, and when it was silent again, Sakura turned around and opened her mouth to ask about his Sharingan but —

He hadn't put his mask back on yet.

The question died somewhere in Sakura's throat, which, along with her entire face and chest, suddenly felt very hot. For a terrifying second that stretched into a short eternity, she watched, wide-eyed and paralyzed, as Kakashi gave her a very visible smile, ever so slightly crooked to the right, and asked, "Did you want to examine my eye?"

He fiddled with the mask, still pooled around his neck. Immediately, Sakura clapped both hands over her eyes, dropping the clipboard.

"Kakashi — I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, ignoring Inner's furious critique of her all-of-a-sudden-very-squeaky-and-undignified voice. "I should have —"

"It's okay, Sakura-sensei. I trust you."

He had said those exact words just minutes ago, but this time, his voice dropped an octave, and he sounded —

 _LESS THINKING AND MORE EXAMINING HIS EYE AND GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!_ Inner screamed before dunking her head in an ice cold bucket of water.

Composing herself, Sakura put on a smile, sincerely touched despite the mess going on inside her head, and said, "I appreciate that, Kakashi-kun. Let's take a look at that eye."

It was a fairly quick examination; Kakashi cheerfully reported that he'd been particularly strict with his Sharingan use, but if he needed someone to look at it, would it be okay if he went straight to her? In his humble opinion, her chakra was far less intrusive than the other medics — yes, even Tsunade-hime's.

"Of course, Kakashi-kun," Sakura said, instinctively reaching out to squeeze his cheek but, upon seeing his still-maskless face, opting to ruffle his hair playfully instead.

"Maa, Sakura-sensei, doesn't it feel strange to call me Kakashi-kun now that I'm twice as tall as you?"

As if to emphasize his point, Kakashi stood to his full height before bending a little at the waist so that their faces were level — just like he did at the library. On a completely unrelated note, Inner was now hitting herself over the head with a comically large warhammer.

" _Twice_ as tall?" Sakura sputtered, smacking his arm lightly. "Don't make me laugh, Kakashi- _san_."

A wide grin spread across Kakashi's extremely naked face. It was _not attractive at all_.

"Just Kakashi is okay," he said, chuckling. He straightened back up to his full height. "Are you busy tonight, Sakura-sensei? Maybe we can get dinner together."

"Unfortunately, I am," Sakura sighed. In reality, she was not, but agreeing to dinner with Kakashi felt too much like — "But if you're at the front desk tomorrow at noon, you can grab lunch with me. Ino took me to this place that's got great lunch specials, and I've been thinking about it all week."

"Sounds good."

Kakashi flashed one more smile then finally slipped his mask over his nose. Inner exhaled a sigh of relief.

"Goodbye, Kakashi-ku —" Sakura stopped and corrected herself: "Kakashi."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Sakura-sensei."

With a composed smile on her face, Sakura watched Kakashi slink out of the window like an oversized cat before calmly picking up the long-forgotten clipboard, which had landed next to the trashcan. Sitting on top of a pile of used disposable gloves was the surgical mask that Kakashi had worn, and Inner collapsed into a puddle of nervous giggles as Sakura's eyes took stock of the left strap, barely hanging onto the rest of the mask.

 _Is he fucking with us?_ Inner asked, dazed.

 _How on earth did you come to that conclusion from a faulty surgical mask?_ Sakura asked calmly, methodically stowing away the memories of Kakashi's broad shoulders, strong arms, the subtle tan line that cut across the bridge of his straight nose and proud cheekbones, his masculine jawline, the sharp canines that poked the top of his bottom lip when he smiled that wicked smile, the beauty mark right below that sinful mouth —

Inner remained mercifully quiet for the rest of her hospital shift.

* * *

_**Three months later** _

"Looks like you and Hatake-kun have been spending an awful lot of time together."

Sakura took a long, luxurious sip from the wine glass in her left hand as Ino filed the nails on her right into a pretty almond shape.

"What of it?"

 _What the FUCK, you idiot, you fucking dummy! That's literally the oldest trick in Ino's book and you fucking fell for it like a fucking doofus!_ Inner raged as Ino's eyes gleamed dangerously.

"You're really telling me there's nothing to read into with the long training sessions —"

"Who wouldn't wanna train with me?"

"— the insistent need to make sure you're actually eating during your breaks —"

"He's always been thoughtful like that!"

"— the walking you home after your shifts at the hospital —"

"It's on the way to his apartment, and he finishes up at the training grounds around that time anyway."

"— his increased hospital visits —"

"He's being more responsible with his health!"

"— in which he only allows _you_ to examine him —"

"He's very sensitive to foreign chakra!"

"Okay, what about this? Anko told me that he asked her to teach him how to cook tempura the other day!"

"I guess he's finally been convinced of the charms of tempura."

Ino let loose an exasperated screech, pantomime-strangling Sakura.

"Forehead, you're thirty, not thirteen — you can't get away with pretending to not know what it looks like when someone's into you. It's insulting to us both. And if this was Shunshin no Shisui, you would've climbed him like a tree by now." Ino paused. "Wait; didn't you?"

"This is Kakashi you're talking about, not Uchiha Shisui," Sakura said staunchly. "And of course I climbed that cocky Body Flicker bastard like a tree." Sakura leered. "Remember how I told you that he kept his ANBU mask on the entire time and asked me to call him Taichou?"

Ino hummed dreamily.

"Distract me all you want, Forehead; all I'm hearing is that Kakashi's still got a big fat crush on you, and now that he's older, you're wildly uncomfortable with that fact."

"He doesn't have a crush on me! And even if he does, I'm not uncomfortable with it!" All of a sudden, it felt like the wine she drank had been replaced with lead, which was _extremely fucking weird_ because she only ever got this feeling whenever she lied to Ino. "He isn't — I don't — a situation like that wouldn't make me uncomfortable because there's nothing to be uncomfortable about!" 

Sakura was vaguely aware that her voice had risen to a volume that betrayed her supposedly nonexistent agitation and she promptly shut her mouth. A tense silence filled the air.

"You're right. I'm sorry, Forehead." Ino traced the rim of her wine glass with a pointy fingernail. "I gotta admit, being the youngest Director of T&I in Konoha's history —"

Sakura rolled her eyes, not in the mood for Ino's bragging.

"— has made me..." Ino sighed before she reluctantly finished with, "arrogant. It wasn't cute of me to assume any of that shit, especially without hearing you out first. And besides, I know you wouldn't lie to me about your version of events or your feelings. If you say that you don't see anything more to Kakashi's gestures, then I believe you."

Ino poured a generous helping of wine into their glasses; a peace offering. Sakura accepted, sipping slowly. They sat like that for a while, and eventually Ino reached over to continue filing the rest of Sakura's nails. Once Sakura's nails had been filed into a uniform shape, she started pushing Sakura's cuticles back.

"It is a little uncomfortable," Sakura grudgingly admitted after a considerable silence. Her wine glass was empty again.

"Oop, sorry, I'll stop —"

"No, keep doing my nails! I meant Kakashi's crush."

"I don't remember you being this uncomfortable when Kakashi was nine and had a crush on you," Ino pointed out neutrally. "You thought it was flattering before."

She moved to pour more wine into their glasses as Sakura exhaled sharply out of her nostrils.

"Obviously! It was fucking cute when he was a kid! But now he's..." she trailed off, gesticulating feebly.

Ino, taking pity on her, finished the sentence: "Now he's a stone cold hottie who looks and sounds like he'd murder the ever-loving shit out of your vagina."

Sakura covered her face with her hands and groaned.

"Why'd you have to phrase it like that?"

Shrugging nonchalantly, Ino picked up a bottle of nail polish that closely matched Sakura's skin and began painting.

"So, what's the big deal? You got something against tapping a shinobi at the beginning of his sexual and physical prime?"

Sakura winced and said, "I can't help but feel weird about the age gap. I just think about where I was when I was twenty, and I was so _young_."

Ino was not amused.

"I'm pretty sure you weren't much older than Kakashi when you were screaming _Taichou_ in Shisui's ear, and that one's a whole ass fourteen years older than you."

"Well now that I'm on the other side of the age gap, I can only hope that Shisui went through at least half the moral dilemma I'm experiencing right now!"

"Really, _Shisui_? I wouldn't count on it," Ino deadpanned. "Sorry, Forehead, but you need to start reconciling your memory of the kid Hatake used to be with the man he is now."

"Where do I even begin? I can't. And because of that, I feel wrong for finding him attractive."

She blushed at the confession that tumbled out, but the relief that coursed through her body was worth it. One corner of Ino's mouth tilted upwards into a wry smile.

"Okay, you infuriating woman. Here are the facts: he finds you attractive. And you find him attractive, to the point where it upsets you to even admit it. Now you can say whatever you want about cradle-robbing or whatever, but you're both adults and you're allowed to have fun together if that's what you both want. Hatake will get over his crush and thank you for the best sex of his life."

Sakura screamed into one of Ino's plush pillows.

"I don't want to 'have fun' with him if it means he'll be weird around me afterwards!"

"What's actually going on here, Sakura?" Ino demanded. At Sakura's glum silence, she backed off: "You know what, maybe you don't know yet, and that's fine. Even that big forehead of yours needs time to process shit. But at the end of the day, what I don't get is why you're shrinking yourself for some twenty year old brat." 

Sakura glared imperiously over her wine glass, but even all the fire in her eyes couldn't hide the hurt.

"Are you really calling me a fucking pushover?"

With a sigh, Ino leaned over and cradled Sakura's face in her hands with a tenderness that almost made Sakura forget that those very same hands had once ripped a man's intestines out of his asshole.

"Oh please, Sakura. You know I don't stay friends with weak ass punks. You're obviously a fucking badass, and the day I stop believing that is the day I shave my head bald."

"Do you want me to go grab the shears for you?"

"All I'm saying is that the Sakura I know would've confronted Hatake about this shit by now," Ino said, equal parts fond, patient, and proud. "You love me, Naruto, and Sasuke a great deal, but that's never stopped you from having difficult conversations with us. Why does Hatake get the slip?"

As though she couldn't quite believe what she was about to say, Sakura shook her head then mumbled, "I think I...I think he..."

Unspoken words had never felt so heavy. Sakura's heart ached in her chest.

Quietly, Ino asked, "Does that scare you?"

"It scares the shit out of me," Sakura said breathlessly. "Even if my hunch is true, I don't want to ruin our relationship by introducing sex to the equation. I'm pretty sure he wants —" she refused to say it, "— well, whatever he wants, I can try to give it to him, but can he take it? He thinks he knows what he's asking for, but I can't do this with someone who isn't at my level of emotional maturity. How the fuck do I even begin to explain this to him?"

Deep in thought, Ino frowned.

"Maybe you can't, but you won't know for sure until you start being fucking honest with him. Enough with this bullshit, pretending that you don't see his actions for what they are. For what it's worth, I think you're doing him and especially yourself a huge disservice by handling him with kiddie gloves and assuming he doesn't know what he's signing up for. You're not even giving him a chance."

Sakura inhaled deeply, wearily.

"What if I scare him off?"

Ino scoffed.

"If you being your bad, bad self is what makes Hatake retreat, then he shouldn't be fucking with you in the first place. Everyone keeps talking about how he's such a prodigy, so I'm sure he'll get the message loud and clear." Ino clinked her wine glass against Sakura's. "Show him what it takes to live, breathe, and fight alongside a legend like Haruno Sakura, and let's see if he sinks or swims."

Sakura's eyes narrowed in determination, and as Ino smiled her terrifying smile, Inner emerged from the corners of Sakura's mind with a vengeance. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. If you made it all the way down here, THANK YOU SO MUCH for reading!
> 
> While I enjoyed pretty much all of age-swap fics that I found floating around AO3, I couldn't help but wonder why I felt so uncomfortable with the idea of a younger Kakashi being in love with an older Sakura when I'm perfectly happy reading KakaSaku fics with their canon age gap. 
> 
> This story came about as a result of me trying to get to the bottom of that discomfort and all the questions it brought up for me, things like how much of this discomfort has been socialized into me? How much of this discomfort is actually valid, if we look at the facts alongside our social norms and expectations regarding gender roles? What needs to happen for this dynamic to function as a successful and fulfilling relationship of equals?
> 
> About Ino and Sakura's relationship: like many of you, I find great amusement in their antagonistic banter, but I wanted to try something different here. What I found most fascinating about the foundation of their friendship was Ino's faith that Sakura was brimming with seemingly endless potential, so I wanted to see what would happen if Sasuke had never gotten between them, if Ino's faith in Sakura had been unshakeable — and I was so pleased to develop Ino into a fiercely loyal friend who never stopped believing in Sakura, but also wasn't scared to challenge our girl or call her out on her shit.
> 
> And about Ino, specifically: I wanted to try writing a scarier version of her. Someone who knows how to push Sakura's buttons, how to trick answers out of her, how to get her to face hard truths. We can laugh all we want at the comical depictions of Ino being self-centered and annoying answers out of the people around her, but for the longest time, I've believed that Ino has so much potential to be a BAMF in her own right, flaws and all! In case you can't tell, I love her a great deal.
> 
> Anyway uhhhh more KakaSaku goodness in the next chapter. Let me know what y'all are thinking.
> 
> *hides*


	2. In Which Kakashi Gets Slammed Into A Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not far from the occupied training ground, Nara Shikamaru halted in his tracks, his genin team obediently stopping with him. At the sight of a very dead-looking Copy Ninja sprawled on top of luxuriously splayed out pink hair, Shikamaru broke out into a nervous sweat. He fumbled in his pockets for a cigarette and lit it.
> 
> "Wrong training ground. Let's practice our water-walking instead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick update because y'all have been so amazing with your comments. As a result, inspiration hit me in the face like a freight train and this is what fell out of my brain.
> 
> Oh and I guess this goes without saying, but: this is no longer going to be a two chapter story.
> 
> EEEEEEK.

There was something different about Sakura-sensei today. Kakashi couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try to find out.

”Yo, Sakura-sensei,” he said, ducking his head respectfully as she turned to face him. It appeared she’d gotten a head start on her warmups, judging from the thin sheen of perspiration glistening against her skin. His right eye curved upwards as the luckiest little bead of sweat zigzagged down her graceful throat and dipped below the neckline of her shirt.

”Kakashi!” she said cheerfully. “I hope you don’t mind me starting without you. I had to get rid of some of this extra, pent up energy before our spar.”

A subtle sniff confirmed that she had been in Yamanaka-san's company within the last twelve hours, a fact that Kakashi planned on keeping to himself. Genma had gotten into the habit of fantasizing out loud about the possible types of sleepovers the two kunoichi may be having whenever they were spotted together around the village, and Kakashi didn't want to give the guy anymore fuel. Besides, Genma kept insisting that there was some kernel of truth in there, citing some intel from Anko (which she'd recently obtained from some server at the new place that opened up a year ago next to Ichiraku's).

At the rate Genma was generating all these giggly, pouty, and very naked scenarios (which often involved some use of T&I-issue chakra ropes, Yamanaka-san's Mind Transfer and Sakura-sensei's Mokuton), Kakashi was going to lose his status as the village pervert. He made a small mental note to dispatch some clones and distribute them around strategic points in the village when he wasn't training; not only would he be able to uphold his reputation and catch up on all his reading, but this would also allow for him to continue spending time with Sakura-sensei, distraction-free.

Take that, Genma. Speaking of taking things —

”I wouldn’t have minded if you took out some of that extra, pent-up energy on me, Sakura-sensei,” Kakashi said with the utmost sincerity. 

Sakura-sensei regarded him, composed as ever, but the brilliant green of her eyes darkened as her pupils expanded, drinking him in. He blinked innocently.

"How very sweet of you to offer, Kakashi- _kun_ ," Sakura-sensei said, the hints of a feral smile threatening to take over her face. "I'll keep that in mind next time."

Kakashi swallowed hard, thankful for the mask that covered his face and his throat. Of course it was a given that Sakura-sensei was beautiful, but the distinctly volatile energy simmering underneath her cool composure made her unbearably so. And to have that dangerous energy directed his way, even for the briefest of moments? He should be so lucky to survive.

After some half-assed stretches, Kakashi asked, "Our usual, Sakura-sensei?"

She hummed, tapping a delicate, dangerous finger against her chin.

"Taijutsu only. No enhancements."

Huh. Ever since they started training together, Sakura-sensei insisted on perfecting their strategy and long range techniques, which often meant the Mokuton for her and the freedom for him to experiment with the jutsu he hadn't had a chance to fully explore yet. The only times he'd ever seen her practice her taijutsu were with Lee-sensei and Gai, and Kakashi noted how the two men would never go into the spar without disposing of their weights first.

"Yes, Sakura-sensei."

She flew at him, a flurry of punches and kicks that Kakashi only managed to dodge by the skin of his teeth. It only took her thirty seconds to start landing sharp bruising hits, and for a brief moment, Kakashi panicked, left hand instinctively pushing up his hitai-ate to reveal a wildly spinning Sharingan. Logically, he knew that the one second he took to memorize the sleek silhouette of her graceful battle stance would spell certain doom, but, dazedly, he was sure it would be worth the pain.

"I said no enhancements, Kakashi. Just bodies."

The last thing he saw was that feral grin in full effect before Sakura-sensei yanked his hitai-ate down over his eyes and sent him flying into a tree with a particularly vicious kick.

Perhaps Yamanaka-san had said something to rile up Sakura-sensei? From his crumpled little heap at the base of the tree, Kakashi barely repressed a shudder; objectively attractive Yamanaka-san may be, but there was something about the Director of T&I that gave him the heebie-jeebies, and despite all of Genma's _fascinating descriptions_ , Kakashi had no idea how Sakura-sensei could make it through any sort of sleepover with Yamanaka-san without keeping one eye open the entire night.

"Keep up, Kakashi."

"Yes, Sakura-sensei," he wheezed, nudging the hitae-ate to see out of his right eye as he stood.

He could practically feel Sakura-sensei's eyebrows disappearing into her hairline.

"Actually, let's have you use your Sharingan. I don't know if you'd last longer than a minute without it," Sakura-sensei mused, sounding a smidge apologetic.

Kakashi thought of the few times he hadn't lasted longer than a minute and privately disagreed.

"Maa, you can't just say stuff like that, Sakura-sensei. At least give me a chance to try again." He cleared his throat. "If I can't last fifteen minutes against you at your full speed without the Sharingan, I'll clean your office for you."

Sakura-sensei looked amused.

"You do that for me anyway," she said, a small smile tugging at her lips. Kakashi's heart beat stupidly fast against the fresh bruise on his chest.

"I'll clean your office for you _and_ make tempura for lunch."

Did her eye just twitch?

"Awfully presumptuous of you to think I'll be getting lunch with you after this embarrassing display, Kakashi- _kun_ ," Sakura-sensei sighed, slipping back into her battle stance. With great interest, Kakashi watched as her black knee-high ninja sandals glinted under the sun.

"I plan on earning the privilege to make that lunch for you, Sakura-sensei."

She frowned, confused.

"So you're making tempura for me, regardless of the outcome?"

Kakashi shrugged, muscles coiling tightly underneath his jounin uniform.

Two hours later found him dragging his legs and torso across the training ground not unlike one of Sakura-sensei's slug summons, only to land heavily on top of her body. Given that his nose was pressed up against the side of her exquisite neck, an errant strand of pink hair fluttering with each breath he took, he was positive that Sakura-sensei had actually managed to killed him five times over and that he was now in heaven.

Worth it.

"Yield."

"This is ridiculous."

"It counts."

"It only counts because I'm not pushing you off."

"Don't be a sore loser, Sakura-sensei. I'd yield to you if you were on top of me."

An exasperated grunt sounded from the body underneath him and he inhaled deeply, happily. She smelled extremely good.

"How was I supposed to know that you'd trick me into coming at you with my full speed for two hours and no room for breathing breaks?"

"Maa, Sakura-sensei, it sounds like you need to work on your stamina. Luckily for you, I'm willing to help on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays."

Satisfied with his smooth moves and even smoother words, Kakashi promptly passed out.

Not far from the occupied training ground, Nara Shikamaru halted in his tracks, his genin team obediently stopping with him. At the sight of a very dead-looking Copy Ninja sprawled on top of luxuriously splayed out pink hair, Shikamaru broke out into a nervous sweat. He fumbled in his pockets for a cigarette and lit it.

"Wrong training ground. Let's practice our water-walking instead."

"But Shika-sensei —"

He lit another cigarette and shoved it next to the one already in his mouth.

"And for your insolence, that means no field trips to T&I, which means no visits to Ino. For at least a week."

"Shika-sensei, is that Sakura-hime? Is she okay?"

"Two weeks."

"And is that Copy Ninja Kaka —"

"Three weeks. And if you want to study Ino's interrogation techniques ever again, you won't breathe a word of this to her, or Anko, or even amongst yourselves."

Tch. That'll teach the brats to mind their own damn business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, surprise: it turns out your kudos and comments are fuel to me. Fill up the tank, fam!!!


	3. In Which Kakashi Offers to Help Genma, and Genma Returns the Favor with Absolutely Zero Homoerotic Undertones, You Perverted Perverts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma's always annoying the shit out of Kakashi in fics, but why don't we ever see it the other way around???

_It's been years since Ino's laid eyes on Sakura, so she takes her time, icy blue eyes starting at the smaller woman's feet, dragging upwards past the tight thigh-high boots that showed off the pink-haired kunoichi's long slender legs, tiny waist, bosom perfectly proportioned to her small frame, and eventually stopping at the heavy-lidded pair of emerald eyes._

_"It's been years since I've seen you," Ino said. With a click of her tall six-inch stilettos, she backs Sakura up against the wall of the interrogation cell and planted her hands on either side of Sakura's face, breath fanning out seductively over her neck. Ino's huge tits pressed against Sakura's fragile collarbone. "I missed you so much, Sakura-chan."_

_Sakura tilted her chin up, green eyes flashing defiantly._

_"You can use all your tricks on me, Ino-pig, but I'm not telling you a thing about my extended medical outreach mission. It's confidential."_

_Ino smirks, trailing a finger down the side of Sakura's pretty face. The pink-haired woman had gotten even more beautiful during her time away, and she couldn't wait to eat her up._

_"Don't underestimate me, old friend."_

_Sakura gasped, wrists struggling against the chakra ropes that bound her to the table._

_"How did you — get these off me!" Sakura hisses._

_Ino laughs darkly._

_"I've learned a lot ever since I fucked Ibiki-sensei into crowning me his successor. This is just one of my new tricks. Now here's one you might remember."_

_Sakura's innocent green eyes widened as Ino began initiating her Mind Transfer technique._

_"No, Ino, please —"_

_Ino's curvaceous body slumped into the chair as her mind looked out through Sakura's eyes. With Sakura's hands, she formed the snake seal and created a surprisingly life-like wooden mannequin of a handsome young shinobi with seductive eyes and a senbon casually hanging out of his mouth, then went back into her own body. Sakura groaned._

_"What did you do to me?"_

_"I made us a friend. And with my secret technique that I developed all by myself without my clan's knowledge, I can breathe life into him and make him sentient."_

_With a flick of her fingers, the mannequin sprung to life, and so did the impressive, prominent bulge in his crotch area. Ino ran a hand over the mannequin, grasping tightly at his crotch and moaning at the feel of the large phallus growing at her touch._

_Sakura bit her bottom lip as a wave of arousal unleashed itself between her quivering thighs._

_With a shaky, breathless voice, she said, "You think you can seduce the intel out of me with your chakra ropes, long legs, and hot humanoid dildo? Well you're wrong. Do whatever you want to my body; I'm a virgin who's never had an orgasm, and I'll be damned if I let you give me my first."_

_Ino smiles and latches her mouth onto Sakura's juicy —_

Genma snatched the notebook out of Kakashi's hands, cheeks burning a bright pink despite just having emerged from a cold shower.

"What the hell are you doing in my apartment, Bakashi?"

"Fetching you. Hokage-sama's asking for us." Kakashi tipped his hitai-ate back over his Sharingan then made grabby hands towards the notebook. "I wasn't done."

"What the fuck — no! Get the fuck out! I'll fucking meet you there!" Genma screamed, hurling a handful of senbon in Kakashi's direction. The infuriating asshole dodged every single one of them with a lazy roll to the side.

"Maa, Genma, don't be embarrassed! It's better than the uninspired garbage you've been spouting about their sexy sleepovers. As a connoisseur of erotica, I think you've got some decent stuff in here. "

This gave Genma pause.

"You do?"

"Sure," Kakashi said easily, right eye curved upwards in a friendly smile. "But there are a few things that you should probably correct to make it even better."

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Well," Kakashi began, holding up one finger, "first of all, your tenses are all over the place. Secondly, if Yamanaka-san and Sakura-sensei are standing, with the former trapping the latter between her body and the wall, how does she bind Sakura-sensei's wrists to the table, and how does Yamanaka-san fall onto a chair after she executes her Mind Transfer Jutsu? But your biggest problem right now is characterization. I'm not contesting your decision to write Yamanaka-san as a temptress, but she needs to be written _scarier._ And more importantly, why does Sakura-sensei alternate between being defiant and then a virginal damsel-in-distress —"

"Okay, I get it! It needs some work!" Genma huffed, cheeks blazing once more as he hunched over the notebook protectively. "And I'm not exactly shooting for realism here."

Kakashi patted his shoulder and said, sincerely, "I'm trying to help you, Genma. If you like, I can read a few pages for you every now and then. Give you some feedback. I'll even use my Sharingan to get the job done a little faster."

Genma squinted.

"What's in it for you?"

"Helping a fellow erotica enthusiast grow and develop into a strong writer is its own reward," Kakashi said, arms stretched out magnanimously. "What do you say?"

Genma stared at Kakashi's singular eye and then crossed his arms.

"I'll think about it." Genma began tying his usual bandana around his head. "Hey, when did Naruto-sama send you over here?"

"Oh." Kakashi scratched his head. "I actually saw him at nine this morning. We were supposed to be at his office by noon, but my sparring session with Sakura-sensei ended at eleven-thirty, and I'd promised to make tempura for her for lunch, so by the time I was done with that and got here, you were in the shower but I didn't see any harm in waiting, especially since I found your notebook —"

"Bakashi, it's fucking two o'clock! Shut the fuck up and let's go!"

* * *

_Their soft luscious breasts pressing against each other's, Ino and Sakura moaned as they sank their tight wet pussies down onto the Mokuton mannequin's hard cocks._

Kakashi's eyebrows rose.

"Genma, what is the meaning of this?"

He pointed to the plural.

"Oh. I haven't written it yet, but earlier in the story, Ino makes me — I mean the Mokuton mannequin — grow a second dick with an illegal jutsu."

Kakashi blinked and continued reading, giggling every now and then. Genma wasn't quite sure if that was a good thing.

"Well? What do you think?" he asked anxiously as Kakashi finally set the notebook down and covered his Sharingan.

The Copy Ninja stroked his chin, humming thoughtfully.

"This is a huge improvement. Your vocabulary's more tasteful now."

Genma's chest puffed out with pride.

"Thanks. I worked really hard on that. Can you read a few more pages for me next week?"

"Next week is looking a little busy for me with Sakura-sensei coming back from her mission, but I can squeeze in some time if you do me a favor."

Genma nodded, senbon bobbing up and down.

"Go on, shoot."

"You can't ask what it's for."

"What the fuck? You're the one asking me for the favor."

"And I'm also the one who's been reading your self-indulgent and wildly disrespectful erotica about two of the scariest kunoichi in all of Fire Country with my Sharingan. I could easily replicate your handwriting in another notebook, drop it off at T&I for Anko to find, and she and all her scary friends would be none the wiser."

Genma had never felt betrayal like this. And he said as much.

"The fuck, Bakashi. I trusted you."

Fucking fucker.

"Sorry." Kakashi did _not_ sound sorry at all. "Anyway, about this favor."

Was Hatake fucking _blushing?_ The hairs on the back of Genma's neck slowly stood on end.

"What is it?"

Kakashi's right eye curved upwards.

"I want to use my Sharingan to watch you play with your senbon."

A vein popped on Genma's temple, mercifully hidden by his bandana. 

"Fucking Bakashi, not that it's any of your business but I'll have you know that I'm packing a fucking KATANA down here —"

"Huh. Maybe my favor should've been for you to work on your personal insecurities. Or for you to get your mind out of the gutter."

"Get _my_ mind out of the gutter — are you fucking kidding me right now!" Genma half-shouted, gesturing at Kakashi's two clones, who were laying on their stomachs with their chins resting on their hands as they giggled their way through Icha Icha Violence and Icha Icha Paradise.

Kakashi sighed and snapped his fingers. The clones promptly stood, turned on their heels, and walked in opposite directions, presumably to scandalize as many villagers as possible between the two of them.

"Look, I'm not being funny. Just...do whatever you usually do with the senbon in your mouth. And if it's okay with you, I'd like to watch with my Sharingan."

Usually, Genma didn't give a shit about why people did the weird shit they did...but despite Kakashi's relaxed posture, Genma got the feeling that he'd be putting the guy in a tough spot if he refused this favor. And _that_ tickled his curiosity.

"Is this for some weird sex shit?"

The blush reached Kakashi's eye now.

"It's not weird. And I told you, you can't ask what it's for."

"So it's for some sex shit." At Kakashi's telling silence, Genma snorted. "Look, man: I'll do it, but you gotta tell me why. Like _exactly why_."

"You know, if I get started now, I could replicate all the handwriting in your naughty, disrespectful notebook by the time everyone starts heading to the Rusty Kunai —"

"Yeah, I don't give a shit. I'll just tell Anko that you asked me to write Ino-san scarier and Sakura-hime more sexually-assertive because apparently realism gets you off. Anko can't sniff a lie out of me if I'm telling the truth, now can she?" With a lazy smirk, Genma watched as the visible patch of Kakashi's face blanched. "Yeah, that's what I fucking thought. So go on. Explain yourself, you fucking weirdo."

The fucking weirdo in question, Genma observed with malicious glee, looked equal parts miserable and embarrassed.

"I want to know how to please a partner. With my mouth."

"Yeah, no shit," Genma deadpanned. A tiny part of him preened at the fact that the prodigal Hatake Kakashi thought he'd be a good source to learn from. "But who are you trying to impress, Hatake?"

"I...really don't want to say."

And Genma almost felt bad. The bashfulness radiating off of Kakashi's entire body was — horrifically — _genuine_. And yet Genma pressed on, unwilling to let go of this golden opportunity to actually discover information that the usually shameless fucker found personally embarrassing.

"Okay, fine, you don't have to say. But you do have to tell me the reason you're learning it this way instead of practicing on someone."

"There are plenty of reasons, the main one being that I don't want to do this on just anyone. This is...special. If it involves going without my mask, then I don't want anyone but her to see —" Kakashi cut himself off at Genma's mortified expression, then slowly raised Icha Icha Innocence to cover his face. "I've said too much."

The senbon almost fell out of Genma's mouth.

"Holy shit, you're in love," he said numbly. He shook his head, as if to clear it. "You know what, fuck it. I'm gonna ask for one more thing before I let you learn my special technique."

"Haven't you done enough?" Kakashi asked miserably.

"I want," Genma said slowly, "to see your face."

A long, tortured silence stretched itself over two minutes as Kakashi deliberated this request. Genma thought he had finally gone too far, but a furtive sweep of Kakashi's eye around the training ground had him sitting up a little straighter. Holy shit. Was Kakashi going to —?

"The things I do for love."

And the mask went down. The cogs working Genma's mind screeched to a halt and the senbon in his mouth dropped to the ground. He blinked several times to jumpstart his body out of its self-paralysis.

"WHAT THE FUCK —" he was being too loud so he adjusted accordingly, _"what the fuck, Bakashi! Fucking put that shit away!"_

"But you asked —"

"I know what I asked, but you can't just — that's fucking _indecent_ , having a face like _that!_ What the fuck!" Genma furiously shoved Kakashi's stupid face back into his mask. "You're not fucking allowed to show your face to anyone! Ever! Especially not when we're out drinking together and I'm trying to get laid! Fuck, you know what, you can't be my wingman anymore! You're fired!"

"Calm down, Genma. There's only one person I want to show my face to, remember?"

Genma was only slightly mollified by this.

"Fuck. I need a cigarette."

"You don't like smoking," Kakashi pointed out cheerfully. "But that's why you use senbon instead, right?"

Genma got the hint. With numb, shaky hands, he reached for a clean senbon and slowly stuck it in his mouth.

"Okay, you ugly bastard. Watch and learn."

* * *

"That wasn't weird at all," Genma drawled as they walked over to the Rusty Kunai. "But I gotta ask, Bakashi, why didn't you just whip out the Sharingan whenever we were getting beers or whatever? You could've gotten this shit on the sly and I wouldn't have known."

"That's true," Kakashi said modestly, "but you're my friend, and I respect you. Besides, consent is important."

Genma glared.

"You tried to blackmail me into doing that for you. That's hardly consensual."

"And you successfully blackmailed me into telling you and showing you some very personal things. I think the dubious nature of this transaction is applicable both ways."

Kakashi's right eye squeezed itself into an aggressively sweet eye-smile as Genma sniffed primly. 

When they entered the bar, Genma watched with amusement as Kakashi hightailed it over to Sakura-hime, who had apparently gotten back from her mission early. On the way to the bartender, he patted his jounin vest to check for the notebook and blanched when all he felt was fabric. Panicked, he whirled around and retraced his steps, only to bump bodily into Shikamaru-sensei.

"Sorry Shika-sensei," Genma said.

The older man clapped a heavy hand on his shoulder.

"I think I found something of yours."

Blushing furiously, Genma pocketed his notebook, double-checking the zippered pocket.

"Thanks, Shika-sensei."

The man looked distinctly ill as he nodded and walked away.

Genma shrugged to himself, getting over the embarrassment quickly. At least it was Shika-sensei who had found it, and not —

"Hey hottie, what didja slip into your pocket just now?"

_Oh shit._

"Anko, get the fuck off me! You can't grope me if it's not for sex reasons — stop it!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave your favorite phallic-shaped emoji in the comments to show solidarity with our poor boy Genma. Or smash that Kudos button to increase Anko's chances of reading Genma's shitty erotica.
> 
> Or why not both?


	4. In Which Ino Does Hot Girl Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because Ino could definitely turn into Konoha's most underestimated badass if she wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strap yourselves in, babies; we're in for a surprisingly serious and slightly angsty ride.

At first glance, wood pigeons were an unremarkable species of bird; they were small, quiet, and dark-feathered, but it wasn't until Ino saw one up close when she noticed their iridescent plumage, oil slick colors bleeding between purples, greens, and blues with a mere tilt of her head. So enamored was she with the wood pigeon that she spent most of her stint as a chunin hunting down a Summoning Contract for them, despite Ibiki-sensei's skepticism that such a thing even existed. Birds, he pointed out, were easier to sign with, and were practically the same thing. Something as specific as a wood pigeon summon would be near impossible to obtain.

"But how sure are you of that, Ibiki-sensei?"

"As sure as I was the first hundred times you asked me this question," Ibiki said, sounding surprisingly patient. He had finished up his scheduled interrogations an entire two hours early, and Ino intended on capitalizing on his good mood, even going as far as to run home and change into a simple orange shirt similar to the ones she wore as a child.

(When she was five, Inoichi had introduced his precious little princess to Ibiki, citing her fascination with his facial scars and her insistence that one day she'd be just as scary as him, if not scarier. Not that Ibiki-sensei would admit it, but she was pretty sure she had won him over ever since.)  
  
"So sure that you’d bet on it?"

"If it means you’ll stop asking about it."

"Okay, deal. Bet your seat as Director of T&I."

A grunt of assent from her childhood idol made Ino smile prettily.

"You wanna put that in writing, sensei?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"For the same reasons I don't put into writing that if I ever sleep with you, I would allow your father to slit my throat; the chances of me sleeping with you are nonexistent, and I'm not in the practice of drawing up useless contracts."

Ino pouted.

"Am I really so undesirable, Ibiki-sensei?"

And for good measure, she stretched languidly. Ibiki-sensei's mouth pressed itself into a thin, unamused line as he returned to his paperwork.

"I don’t care what happens to your chest or how tall you get; to me, you’re always going to be that overzealous brat who thought she could handle observing a three-hour interrogation for her sixth birthday but ended up pissing all over her party dress." Ibiki-sensei scowled, squinting at her over his reading glasses. "How old are you now anyway — twelve, thirteen?"

Ino knew he knew that she was eighteen, but she got the point. Thoroughly chastised, Ino slipped a scroll under his nose and said, "Oh, just humor me, sensei."

In her neat handwriting, the scroll read: _I, Morino Ibiki, formally nominate Yamanaka Ino as my successor for the esteemed position of Director of the Torture and Investigation Unit._

Ibiki-sensei glared at her and growled, "No."

"If it's so useless, then what's the harm in signing anyway —"

"Just get to the point, Yamanaka."

Smirking, Ino nipped at her pinkie, then with great deliberation, formed the seals for Boar, Dog, Bird, Monkey, and finally, Ram. She slammed her hand down on Ibiki-sensei's desk and barely restrained herself from crowing in delight as the most beautiful little wood pigeon appeared under Ibiki-sensei's nose, her wings shining a dark inky purple under the fluorescent lights.

"Seiko, this is Ibiki-sensei. Sensei, this is Seiko. Seiko is a wood pigeon summons, and I'm the first person to draw up and sign a contract with her and her flock."

Not a single muscle in Ibiki-sensei's face twitched.

"How?"

Ino shrugged nonchalantly, getting up from her seat and stretching languidly.

"Guess you'll have to torture that information out of me, sensei. But I've been taught a thing or two by the current Director of T&I, so perhaps you'll have more luck if you negotiate terms with me. It's what he'd recommend."

Ibiki-sensei's bone rattling laughter echoed in her ears long after she left his office.

* * *

Seiko was a useful spy. Not that Ino intended to steal Infiltration and Reconnaissance's thunder, but it certainly made her job a whole lot easier, knowing the various goings-on in the village. Every morning, Seiko would wake her up with a sweetly whispered report, and as she applied her makeup and fixed breakfast for herself and Seiko, Ino would gather every valuable morsel of information, carefully organizing it into the context of everything she already knew about Konoha, its citizens, and its shinobi. Only a deep love and respect of Sakura's boundaries stopped Ino from pinning one of Seiko's brothers to Sakura as she traveled, her most precious friend’s three years away extending to four, then five, then six...and approaching the seventh year, Ino wondered, for the first time, if Sakura would ever come home.

(With a bitterness that Ino couldn't shake, she noted how Naruto's optimism never wavered and how Sasuke had dismissed her concerns with his usual grunt before simply saying, "It's Sakura." Guilt-ridden, she agonized over whether she was a bad friend for entertaining that tiny sliver of doubt, for questioning Sakura’s capabilities in the first place.)

So one could only imagine Ino's surprise when on a particularly bright morning, her ears zoned in on this gem among Seiko's whispers: "Tentative lunch plans for Hatake and Haruno interrupted. Hatake dispatched on mission at five hundred hours."

Ino's gaze snapped onto Seiko's pretty indigo eyes.

"Which Haruno?"

"The Slug Sage who bears the mark of the Strength of a Hundred."

Holy shit, that crazy bitch fucking did it. Her best friend was a fucking Slug Sage and she finally came _home_.

A fierce grin slashed itself across Ino’s face as she downed half a piece of toast in one bite. Today was going to be a good day.

* * *

There was something about Hatake Kakashi that made Ino want to strap him down and walk through his mind. Perhaps it was the way he lingered in front of Sakura's old apartment building every morning, or how his shoulders slumped whenever he walked by the dango shop where Sakura would take him and his genin teammates as a reward for their hard work, but Ino knew that he felt it too, that ache, the emptiness that Sakura's departure carved out in their hearts. She craved that solidarity, and so during Sakura's eight years away, she sought him out every now and then.

By all accounts, he was an odd boy, but Ino saw the carefully put-upon eccentricity for what it was: a smokescreen to distract people from giving Sakumo's boy pitiful glances, to stop them from examining his one visible eye for signs of lingering shame, grief, trauma. But strangeness had never repelled Ino; she ran towards it, sought it out. And no matter how much the Hatake kid shielded himself from the whispers, they followed him anyway: _prodigy, genius, a little too much like his father._ Then over the years: _Sharingan Thief, Cold-Blooded, Copy Ninja._

Not that it bothered Ino too much, but a small insecure part of her couldn't help but point out how the Hatake kid could literally read porn in public and still the majority of his whispers would remain flattering, or at the very least rooted in fear and respect. Meanwhile, she had fucking busted her ass to learn her clan's most advanced techniques before entering and passing her chunin exams. Not only that, but she had also scoured every single library and relevant mind in the Land of Fire for information about Summoning Contracts, then _successfully created a Summoning Contract from fucking scratch, a Summoning Contract that would fortify the Yamanaka clan, a Summoning Contract that she used to finally convince Ibiki-sensei and her father to take her seriously as a future contender for T &I's Director — _and yet the most prominent whispers about Yamanaka Ino were of her beauty, her fuckable proportions, and how she had surely fucked her way into her life's ambition of replacing Morino Ibiki, who, until her own appointment, had been Konoha's youngest Director of T&I.

It hurt, just a little, but even Ino wasn't above using people's tendency to underestimate her. That shit was her bread and butter, the very first weapon she added to her kunoichi toolkit.

Interestingly enough, the Hatake kid didn't seem to buy any of the whispers about her. Every time she approached him, the fingers clutched around his precious Icha Icha books tightened ever so slightly, and his eye-smiles were always a touch too sweet.

One day, she said to him, bluntly, "You don't like me, do you?"

To offset the surprising spike of aggression in her voice, Ino pouted.

Hatake slowly put his book down, leveled her with a surprisingly serious gaze, and said, "That's not true. I don't like you, but I don't not like you."

"Why's that?"

And with a barely repressed shudder, Hatake said, "You started heading T&I at twenty five. I'm not particularly good at making friends, so I'd rather play it safe and not make an enemy out of you." He paused and added, "With all due respect, Yamanaka-san."

To which Ino gleefully threw her arms around his terrified body, her joyous laughter ringing prettily in the air as a singular vindicated tear darted down her pristinely made up face.

* * *

For as long as they had been friends, Ino trusted Sakura implicitly to be honest about her comings and goings, her thoughts and feelings, so there was no need for Seiko and her flock to watch Sakura too closely. However, Ino had no scruples about asking Aiko, the youngest of Seiko's chicks but arguably the smallest and fastest of the bunch, to tail the Hatake brat.

"The handsome one with the Sharingan?"

Ino frowned skeptically at the generic description.

"I don't want you trailing some useless Uchiha. Try again."

"The handsome one with the left Sharingan."

Ino laughed, sprinkling some bird seed on the table for Aiko.

"That'll do." She paused thoughtfully. "Do you know for a fact that he's handsome, or is that just a guess?"

She had no idea that birds could look so frazzled. Ino cackled at the bird seed that Aiko had scattered with the flustered flap of her wings and abrupt departure. Meanwhile, Anko slowly turned on her heel and briskly walked the other way from the office; she could always ask shishou for advice later.

* * *

"Why her?"

Hatake's shoulders stiffened as he turned around and curved his eye at her, clutching two beers. He wiggled the one in his left hand.

"Maa, this is actually for Genma. Anko and I are just friends who exchange easy recipes for delicious homemade meals —"

"You know who I'm talking about, Hatake."

She was quite sure he was calculating the social, physical, and psychological risks of shunshinning away from her. _Not worth it,_ she wanted to tell him, but that was his call to make. Not caring whether it would make him stay or escape, Ino kindly relieved him of the beer in his right hand and sipped from it, licking the foam off her top lip. She gestured over to a lone bar table that was clearly suited for couples and walked towards it, smirking as she felt Hatake following her with all the reluctance of a freshly-bathed dog who had been caught rolling around in the mud.

"I love her," Hatake said after taking two sips of his beer through the mask. He refused to sit on the bar stool, opting instead to lean against the wall in a carefully curated display of indifference.

Ino couldn't help the laughter that bubbled within her chest.

"You're twenty. What the fuck do you know about what it means to love someone of her magnitude?" At his silence, Ino raged: "You were barely potty-trained the first time she crumbled a mountain to dust. She received her Strength of a Hundred Seal before you graduated from the Academy. And if she had been allowed to graduate early, like you, there is no doubt in my mind that she would have become a Slug Sage by the time she turned twenty, all while surpassing Tsunade-hime as the world's most talented medic-nin and recreating the Mokuton from nothing. And what have you done with your time? Read all of Jiraiya-sama's stupid books and learned a thousand jutsus with your friend's Sharingan? Big whoop."

Ino chugged the rest of her beer and slammed the empty mug down on the table, eyes icy and fierce. Hatake regarded her with a sad sort of understanding.

"You love her too. Why —"

"It would never work," Ino said bluntly. Unlike her wood pigeons, there was no guarantee that Sakura would return to her. Unlike her wood pigeons, Sakura wasn't hers to keep. "She needs someone who can dedicate themselves to her. Someone who can stomach the thought of her disappearing at a moment's notice and know, deep in their soul, that she'll come back. Someone who's at peace with the fact that she'll only ever belong to them when she's not out saving the world, which is impossible because Sakura is always saving someone or something. She needs —"

 _Someone like you,_ is what she refused to say, but for all his flaws, she knew that he was better than most at looking underneath the underneath.

Slowly, Hatake ventured: "I have always thought that wood pigeons were particularly special birds." He took a sip of his beer, grimacing slightly at its lukewarm temperature. "Have you seen my face?"

Ino tilted her head, smiling at Hatake for the first time that night, because in the same way that Sakura wasn't hers to keep —

"There are some things that aren't for me to know."

And for the first time since she'd met him, Hatake looked at her with no fear — all that remained was respect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm, tell me why I'm crying in the club right now. What the fuck?!
> 
> Anyway, leave a bird emoji to hug our favorite angsty badass T&I gurl. Or smack that Kudos button to replace Genma's stolen beer.


	5. In Which Kakashi Huffs and Puffs and Blows A House Down: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps one day he would tell her, but contrary to Uchiha-san's statements, Kakashi's crush on Sakura-sensei didn't start when she obliterated the earth, yanked him up by the back of his collar, and dumped him into a dusty heap by her feet; it started the day he graduated the Academy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back to the funnies, people!...Sorta. Idk about you, but I got some pretty serious emotional whiplash after writing Chapters 3 and 4 lmao. I hope the emotional transition here is a little gentler.
> 
> I made a SLIGHT change to Chapter One to reflect that Sakura filled in as Team Naruto's sensei when Kakashi was nine. A huge shoutout to the sweet and thoughtful vindoletta for asking some very practical questions that would've eventually put me in a tight spot, narratively and timeline-wise, had she not brought them to my attention. Thank you, dearest vindoletta <3

Perhaps one day he would tell her, but contrary to Uchiha-san's statements, Kakashi's crush on Sakura-sensei didn't start when she obliterated the earth, yanked him up by the back of his collar, and dumped him into a dusty heap by her feet, where he apparently would have had an envious view of her glorious knee-high shoes. 

Well, at least Uchiha-san wasn't wrong about _that last part_.

"Oh come on, Sakura," he said, rolling his eyes at the young woman across the table. "You practically gave the kid a nosebleed."

From his hiding spot, Kakashi could only see the back of Sakura-sensei's head and her graceful neck, but even he could tell that she was annoyed by the way her braid quivered.

"I didn't know you could see through masks with the Sharingan, _Sasuke-chan_ ," Sakura-sensei said pleasantly, leaning over to steal a tomato slice from Uchiha-san's plate.

"You don't even like tomatoes," Uchiha-san grumbled. 

"You know what I like even less? Dumb conversation topics." A silence. "Sasuke, you're looking more constipated than usual. What's eating you?"

An even longer silence, and then —

"Maybe you shouldn't wear those shoes anymore."

To alleviate the tension, Uchiha-san primly stuffed his mouth with the rest of the tomatoes on his plate.

"Out of all the things I predicted from today's lunch, receiving fashion advice from you was not one of them." Sakura-sensei sounded amused. "Does it bother you that little Kakashi-kun looks at my scary shoes?"

Kakashi sulked, crossing his arms. He wasn't that little.

"It's not just the Hatake kid," Uchiha-san whispered desperately, eyes darting around suspiciously. "It's —" a sigh, probably because Uchiha-san wasn't used to saying so many words in a row, "Okay, what if you just don't wear them whenever we train at my clan's training grounds?"

"Did someone say something?" growled Sakura-sensei, punching a fist into her palm. "I'd like a word."

Kakashi watched as a lightbulb practically lit itself over Uchiha-san's head. Eventually he nodded and said, in what was probably meant to be a sympathetic voice, "Shisui. He made an extremely vulgar and disrespectful comment."

"Seriously? What the hell is his problem? What did he even say?"

At this point, Uchiha-san was looking an awful lot like a tomato himself.

"I'd rather not repeat it."

"Either you tell me, or I go find out straight from Shisui's mouth."

Panic danced across Uchiha-san's face as Sakura-sensei's chair slid away from the table with a loud screech. Something told Kakashi that Uchiha-san hadn't anticipated his half-baked plan blowing up in his face at all.

"Sakura, no, don't!" and with a heavy sigh, Uchiha-san leaned towards Sakura, whispering furiously as his already reddened face gradually darkened to an unflattering purple. Kakashi sharply exhaled from his nose, annoyed that Uchiha-san had chosen to cover his mouth. Now he couldn't even lipread! 

Suddenly, Sakura-sensei shot upright, chair toppling behind her.

"I'm gonna hunt that bastard down."

The coolly reigned-in anger gave her musical voice a dangerous, titillating lilt and Kakashi suppressed a dreamy sigh. Sakura-sensei was so _beautiful_ when she was about to kick ass.

"Sakura NO —"

"And I'm gonna beat the shit out of him!"

Uchiha-san darted forward, hands clutching at Sakura-sensei's shoulders in a fruitless attempt to restrain her as she calmly walked out of the restaurant, dragging Uchiha-san's body with her. Giggling at the commotion, Kakashi promptly shunshinned away, and as he happily tucked into his bento box, Kakashi sincerely hoped that Sakura-sensei was giving Shunshin no Shisui the pounding of his life.

* * *

Here was the truth: Kakashi's crush on Haruno Sakura actually started the day he graduated the Academy.

At eight years old, Kakashi was Konoha's newest, shiniest child prodigy and had displaced Uchiha Itachi as Konoha's youngest Academy graduate to date. Everyone seemed pretty excited for him, but all Kakashi could think about was the eyes of the village, watching with a callous kind of curiosity to see if he would fail them the same way his father did. And at the thought of his father, Kakashi felt his heart begin to pound out of his quickly constricting chest, black spots bleeding into his vision as he gasped for air beneath the mask. It had been years since he'd had one of these; the jounin who came to take his father's body away called it a panic attack, resignation in his eyes as he told Kakashi, "They'll pass, kid; all you have to do is breathe."

But he hadn't told Kakashi what to do if he _couldn't_.

And so he stood in the middle of the outdoor market, fists clenched painfully tight around the bags that held his groceries as he tried to remember how to breathe. Vaguely, Kakashi heard whispers, felt bodies darting away and around him, distancing themselves from him, and he swore he was fine with that because it had been years since anyone's touched him for non-sparring purposes anyway, and less bodies around him meant more space to —

"Breathe, Hatake-kun," a soft voice murmured. "You're safe."

"Can't," he managed to squeeze out of his throat, then he felt warmth surround him.

Kakashi could barely see out of his eyes, but whoever had scooped him up smelled _soft,_ sweet. And his nose told him they weren't at the outdoor market anymore; he smelled water, silt, tree sap, and deduced that the person must have teleported them to Training Ground 7.

A gentle hand pressed lightly against his wildly beating heart, and soon Kakashi felt a cool layer of chakra seep into his chest and outwards —

And he was gulping air down greedily, the black spots in his vision receding at a dizzying speed. Hazily, he registered bright green eyes peering at him with concern.

"Easy, Hatake-kun. Let's do one slow, deep inhale together."

She had pink hair. There was only one person in Konoha who had pink hair and green eyes.

"Good. Now let it out slowly, gently. There's no rush."

Tsunade-hime's apprentice sat with him for the next hour, coaching him through his breathing under the shade of the tall tree by the lake. And once the final leaf from her shunshin settled to the ground, Kakashi pulled his mask down and inhaled deeply once more, intent on memorizing the soft smell of flowers that had yet to bloom.

* * *

From a bit of careful snooping, Kakashi discovered that Naruto-sensei had asked Mokuton no Sakura to fill in for him while he meditated on Mount Myoboku, and to be honest? He didn't want to see her.

Of course, that wasn't strictly true; for the past year, Kakashi had made a habit of walking past the dango shop she frequented, sometimes by herself, sometimes with the Yamanaka heir. It had only taken one chilling instance of eye contact with the blonde girl for Kakashi to limit himself to sporadic, once-a-week visits to keep his crush (yes, it was a crush, and he didn't see much point in denying it, not even to himself) under wraps. With this new schedule, it was much harder to walk by on days she decided to indulge in her sweet tooth, but he didn't need to _see_ her to bask in her presence; her scent lingered there, and no matter how faint it was, one inhale was enough for the stiffness in his shoulders to dissipate, the rare but occasional tightness in his chest and throat to loosen its grip.

(He didn't dare follow her scent through the village; it was often accompanied by the smell of flower food and rose thorns.)

So no, it wasn't strictly true that he didn't want to see her — it was more that he didn't want her to see him. Truth be told, Kakashi had hoped to be much older the next time they crossed paths.

He quashed the tiny flutter in his chest as he heard her voice, muffled by the earth around and above him, greeting Rin and Obito.

"Your third teammate seems to be missing."

Was that a dash of mischief in her voice?

"Sorry, Sakura-hime —"

"At ease, Rin-chan; 'Sakura-sensei' is fine."

"Sakura-sensei — Kakashi-kun is usually on time, but —"

"He said he'd rather wait for Naruto-sensei to come back and that he'll watch us to make sure we're actually training and not goofing off!"

Stupid Obito. He definitely didn't say that last part.

"Really?" There was amusement underlining her voice. "Maybe I can convince him to join us."

Kakashi yearned to tell her that he didn't need convincing, yearned to explain that he wasn't _ready_ , he wasn't old enough yet, wasn't strong enough to fight alongside her, to impress her —

As the ground splintered above his hiding place with a thunderous _CRACK!_ , her scent overpowered him, and Kakashi found himself greedily drinking the air around him. _She was everywhere._ Intoxicated, Kakashi stared wide-eyed at his new sensei, her soft pink hair gathered into a neat braid, and her painfully beautiful face so close to his that he couldn't help the blush that crept above the line of his mask.

"There you are, _Kakashi-kun_."

"Good morning, Sakura-sensei."

Squeaky, even to his own ears. He'd have to work on that.

* * *

Kakashi's body worked on autopilot as his hands glowed green with healing chakra. Rin's shaky hands hovered next to his, and for all of Kakashi's talk about putting the mission first, for all his disdain for Obito, only one thought played on a vicious, repetitive loop: _Don't die don't die don't you dare fucking die —_

Obito made for an eerie picture, half his body crushed underneath too much rock, left eye socket dark, hollow, _empty_. The boy's left hand twitched every now and then, and for the briefest moment, the image of his father's lifeless body flashed in Kakashi's mind. A steadily exhaled breath beneath his mask stopped a sob from slipping out of his lungs, but Rin was not as successful; the girl whimpered, tears dripping down her face, and she shifted herself closer, nudging her knee into Obito's twitching hand. Kakashi followed her lead, his bony knees pressed against Obito's thigh so that he knew they were still there, so that he could _feel_ them, _so he knew they weren't fucking leaving him_ , and if they weren't fucking leaving him, then he sure as hell wasn't allowed to fucking leave them either.

"Kakashi-kun, what do we do?" Rin whispered. "They're coming."

She didn't need to tell him. He knew. He could smell the Iwa nin, their killing intent choking him as they moved in.

"Keep going," Kakashi growled. He nudged his left shoulder into his — _Obito's_ eye, the Sharingan spinning wildly behind his eyelid as it tried to acclimate itself to its new host. "He's gonna make it."

"I'm running out of chakra."

Rin was full on sobbing now. 

"Please, Rin, just try." Kakashi had never begged in his life, but now seemed like a good time to start. "Remember what Sakura-sensei said? About water-walking?"

"The goal isn't to walk on glass; the goal is to stay on the surface," Rin managed shakily through hyperventilated gasps.

"Let's stay on the surface." Over the sweat and blood of the approaching Iwa nin, the smell of _flowers, trees, life_ brushed against his nose, feather-light, and his heart soared in his chest. "Hold out until Sakura-sensei gets here. I'll deal with these guys."

Grimly clenching his jaw, Kakashi stood, faced the group of enemy nin, and opened his left eye.

By the time Sakura-sensei reached them, Rin had lain down by Obito's side, one barely glowing hand resting above Obito's heart. Sakura-sensei's eyes, calm and calculating, took stock of the boulders on Obito, his empty eye socket, Rin's deathly pale complexion, the scar on Kakashi's left eye, the bodies strewn around them like bloodied rag dolls.

"At ease, Team Naruto. I'll take it from here."

Numbly, he watched as black lines shot out of the diamond on Sakura-sensei's forehead and streaked down her face and limbs. After summoning two clones, Sakura-sensei gently but swiftly nudged Kakashi's hands out of the way with her own, performing a quick diagnostic. A sharp insistent pain throbbed through Kakashi's head as he finally stopped channeling healing chakra to his hands and dragged Rin's limp body away. 

"Kakashi-kun, what I'm about to do is perfectly safe, but it's still worth it to brace yourself."

He hardly had the energy to nod, and Sakura-sensei wasted no time waiting for a response; she removed one hand from Obito's chest, placed it on the ground, and the tightness that Kakashi didn't even know was building in his chest slowly dissipated as the earth beneath him trembled and thick sturdy roots shot out of the ground to form half a dome, enclosing them with Obito and the boulders crushing his body. One clone crouched down next to him and Rin, right hand green with healing chakra and checking Rin first before resting over Kakashi's left eye. The second clone touched a fingertip to the boulders, eyes closed. After a minute passed and nothing happened to the boulders, Kakashi turned to Sakura-sensei questioningly, but kept his mouth shut as the clone turned her head and smiled reassuringly at him.

"Watch closely, Kakashi-kun."

To his amazement, a tiny ray of light shone through a hole in the boulder on Obito's torso. Slowly, the hole grew wider as the boulder crumbled to dust, the particles siphoning away from Obito ever so gradually. His chest felt light again.

It took three hours for Sakura-sensei to free Obito from the boulders. Kakashi stayed awake for every second of it, watching as she blew out a slow controlled stream of air from her mouth, the sturdy roots of her Mokuton finally arching into a complete dome next to Obito's mercifully full body. On shaky limbs, Kakashi crawled closer.

"Kakashi-kun, you shouldn't look — it's not good for you," she said gently but Kakashi couldn't help it; after he took in the strange, crumpled texture of the right side of Obito's body, his eyes locked desperately onto Obito's chest to watch its feeble rising and falling motion, the motion that he hadn't found on his father's body. A puff of smoke appeared and two bright blue slugs the length of Sakura-sensei's arm appeared, startling Kakashi momentarily.

"I need help," Sakura-sensei whispered, and the slugs obediently crawled, covering the entirety of Obito's right side.

For lack of a real response, Kakashi croaked, "Is he going to be okay, Sakura-sensei?"

"Yes, Kakashi-kun. You and Rin did so well. Obito is alive because of you two." 

Kakashi could barely fathom how Sakura-sensei could say such a thing when _she_ was the one who had single-handedly crumbled the boulders to dust _and_ healed all three of them at the same time, but he knew she believed it, deep down in her bones.

 _Only ineffective sensei sugar-coat things for their students,_ she had once told them after a particularly grueling training session, _and I don't intend to let you down._

On their way back to Konoha, with his face buried in the nook of Sakura-sensei's neck as she carried him on her back, he glanced a final time at Obito and Rin in Naruto-sensei's arms then inhaled the scent of _flowers, trees, life_ one more time before succumbing to a deep, peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all...I don't even know if half of the stuff I wrote about the Kannabi Bridge incident makes sense, but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Leave a tomato emoji to ensure that Shunshin no Shisui gets the pounding of his life *wink wink*


End file.
